After I had my baby, I rode on this high of positive body image. My body did that! My body created life and carried it for nine long months. It was amazing and I was proud of what I looked like and how I felt. It was easy not to care when I was at home, on maternity leave, and able to wear whatever I fancied. But then I had to go back to work and I started to realize that my clothes didn’t fit and I didn’t feel like the person I used to be (as if I could ever really be that person again). My self-worth and body image took a hit and every single day I am reminded of how uncomfortable I am in my own skin.
In fact, I’m only comfortable when I’m with my baby because then people can look at my body and then my baby and understand why I am the way I am. But that’s not true either. I was at least 60 pounds overweight before I even became pregnant with her. Because of my size, I was recommended to only gain 15-18 pounds for my entire pregnancy. I gained 45!
This is my journey to not only lose 85 pounds (and treat myself to a shopping spree in NYC) but to finally let go of the image I have in my head of how I’m supposed to look. My body image needs to be reevaluated and I need to find what true beauty means. I don’t know what that looks like, but I need to start somewhere and this feels like a good place to do that.
This isn’t just a weight loss blog, but for those who are here for that, I started my journey at 230 pounds two weeks ago. Today I’m sitting at a 4 pound loss with a long way to go. I was completely on point tracking my food with the myfitnesspal app but was derailed Thursday for lack of planning. I woke up late and couldn’t prepare my meals for the day. I ate out which made my calories too high for lunch. I tried making up for it with dinner by having a large salad, but by 8:30 I was starving (and munchy) and gave into some chocolate treats. It wasn’t really a big deal and I knew that I could get back on track today, but I’m a daily weigher and saw the increase this morning. It set my whole day off by making me feel like a failure. So much so, that I grabbed a donut for breakfast! I guess it’s all or nothing for me. This is clearly a one day at a time process.